August 27, 2020

How do our friends live?

There is a large data-gathering project called the “National Study of Youth and Religion.” It’s overseen by Christian Smith, a professor of Sociology at Notre Dame. This study has revealed how crucial it is for parents to have not just good friends, but friends who are good!

This study shows that American teenagers who keep their faith in Jesus and grow in their faith are most deeply and significantly impacted by the faith of their parents. This isn’t really all that surprising, but it does stand in contrast to many program-driven models of youth ministry that assume kids are most deeply influenced toward faith by their friends.

Now clearly, we want our children to have great friends who love the Lord! That’s very important. But according to this study, the single-most influential factor in a child’s faith is the example of their parents.

It’s crucial for parents to understand this. Why? Because there’s a troubling trend in American Christianity where parents often get interested in church, not so they can grow in loving and enjoying God, but so their kids can get some good influences and become decent people.

But here’s the problem: If a dad or a mom doesn’t really seek to know God, but just puts up with Him; if a parent only looks at the Bible during the sermon, but never touches it the rest of the week; if a dad or a mom does the religion thing so their children can get good influences, but doesn’t model any passion, joy, or pursuit of the Lord – then the most influential power in that child’s life is missing: A parent who longs to know and love the Lord.

The study also showed that children who grow in their faith have adults in their lives (not within their family) who have an active faith in God and can be trusted for wise support, advice and help. In other words, when parents have godly friends who live good lives, that makes a difference in the lives of their kids.

This study reveals that while church programs can be wonderful tools to help children grow in knowing and loving God, the most significant factor is the spiritual health of the parents, which includes their community of close friends – the friends they learn from and lean on.

As your kids get older and face the confusing and often painful realities of this world, do you have friends who you would trust to give your kids godly counsel? Friends who long to know and love the Lord?

These questions highlight the importance of personal discipleship and the necessity for parents to be in a community where loving and knowing God is considered a joyful priority. Gospel-centered parenting requires some resources. We need help finding good content to lead our children. But the most important resource is the vibrant faith of a parent, and the people they grow together with toward knowing and loving God.